AFRICAN VISIT LATEST

Prime Minister finds time to "Strut Her Funky Stuff, 

Sho' Nuff" during intense trade negotiations with 

African leaders. "It's not just 

that Boris Johnson 

who can dazzle those flag waving 

Piccaninnies" 

she announced.

UK Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a lucrative new deal with Nigeria after returning from trade talks with African leaders.

Speaking to Parliament she said "I have been in negotiation with senior African politicians and legal experts including Barrister Williamson Robinson, a solicitor from Lagos, Nigeria and we are in the process of settling an arrangement whereby he will transfer 50% of his client's assets to the UK for just a handling fee of £195 payable by Western Union".

"This is 100% risk free and all modalities have been taken care of", she announced.

Describing this as only the first of many deals she has set up. She has also agreed to accept on behalf of Mrs Edwards Doris, widow of Engr Edwards Edwards and who is sadly now dying from long time cancer of the breast, the sum of $26,000,000 (twenty six million USD) which will be used to pay for Churches, motherless babies and the NHS.

"Who needs £350 million pounds from Brexit when we can strike deals like these?" said Mrs May.

SPEAKING OF BORIS

Boris Johnson has just announced the result of his marriage referendum and claims a victory for common sense as his partnership with Marina Wheeler ends on 29th March 2019. Boris claims that the result will be much better for him now he doesn't have to listen to the opinions of a completely un-elected Wife, and that the £350 million a week in savings will be put to better use.

Claims that he had already been in negotiation with another party for a better deal while still officially committed to his first one have been vigorously denied by himself. 

He has announced that he and his ex partner will be continuing to support their four children but hasn't given any details about how he intends to do this although he has rejected all suggestions made so far as unworkable and a betrayal of the people.

TORY PARTY 

CONFERENCE SPECIAL

Jeremy Hunt.

Jeremy Hunt, who famously supports the idea that babies should be allowed to starve to save money has appeared at the party conference talking about how much more needs to be done to tackle childhood obesity. Unfortunately, he forgot to take off his Tate & Lyle lanyard first. (Tate & Lyle are sponsoring the event).

Boris Johnson.

Poor Boris has been terribly misquoted by the left wing socialist press, claiming he said that all that Libya has to do to turn their country into another Dubai was to "clear the dead bodies away".

The fact is he said nothing of the sort, what he actually said was "clear the dead wogs away".

Shame on you Daily Mail and Daily Migrant.

Fortunately, his fellow MP Nadine Dorries came to his aid arguing that this was  a "co-ordinated and mendacious" campaign by Remain MPs to discredit him. 

Boris himself was quick to point out his history understanding the true nature of totalitarian Muslim regimes, recounting his passionate support of Turkey's application to join the European Union.

Democratic Unionist Party.

One really important issue to be clarified at this year's conference is the Tory party/DUP relationship. In that, we can all breathe a sigh of relief as it has been confirmed that the deal between them is not a temporary one. 

According to Nigel Dodds, DUP Deputy Leader, "the Tory-DUP deal is strong and will last for the duration of this parliament".

They have already shown how valuable they are to the rest of the UK when they successfully blocked a Labour motion to abolish the pay freeze on nurses and emergency workers.

We can now be sure that the Act of Settlement 1701 will be restored, as will the ban on Catholics becoming MPs. Hopefully, we should see the Orange Order marching down Whitehall any time soon.

A LITTLE BIT OF JUSTICE

Belle Gibson, fake wellness guru
who has just been fined A$410,00
by the Australian court for misleading
her readers

Not a great deal of justice to be fair, considering the crime, but some justice nevertheless.

This story is about how a "so-called" Wellness guru who goes by the name of Belle Gibson has just been fined A$410,000 by the Australian courts for misleading her readers.

You probably will never have heard of her, but in her native Australia, she was a hugely successful promoter of quackery, making massive profits from her collection of books and health app.

She first made the headlines in 2009 when she claimed that she had a number of cancers, including cancer of the brain, spleen, blood, uterus, liver and kidneys, all brought about by a reaction to the cervical cancer vaccine Gardasil. She then went on to claim that she had managed to cure herself of all these cancers by using various "alternative" remedies including diet, exercise, colonic irrigation and other practises.

On the strength of these claims, she managed to persuade millions of people to buy into her newly created app and cookbook called "The Whole Pantry".

It subsequently turned out that she never had any of the illnesses she claimed to have been cured of. She originally claimed that her brain cancer diagnosis had been made by an alternative therapist although a subsequent brain scan showed nothing. She also claimed that she had donated much of her earnings from her books and app to charity but was unable to say which ones. 

One might hope that others of her ilk, Depak Chopra, Vani Hari, that bloody David Avocado Wolfe (whose posts plague my Facebook page) would suffer the same fate but as they are all based in the USA, probably not.

THE TRUTH ABOUT BORIS

The furore over the disclosure of a number of pro EU articles written by Boris Johnson is understandable but why is everone so surprised he wrote them? Right up to his decision to support the Brexit campaign, he had been a fervent supporter of Britain's continued membership. For at least the whole of the previous year, he had been attending business meetings in the City warning bankers and industrialists of the danger to the economy if we ever left.

Boris Johnson likes to present a bumbling, rather harmless and lovable persona but the reality is very different. He is a cold, calculating self serving hypocrite who cynically chose to support what he assumed at the time would be a hopeless cause in order to become the darling of both big business on the right of the Tory party who were becoming increasingly alarmed at the prospect of having all their tax bolt holes shut down and equally to the normally left leaning but blatantly racist working class rump. 

When the Brexit campaign failed, as it surely would, he would emerge as the hero of the hour, swept to power with huge support from the likes of Rupert Murdoch and other right wing newspapers owned by tax dodging billionaires who finance and largely run the Tory party.

It didn't matter to him that, had the campaign been successful, the consequences for the British economy would be at least as disastrous as he had originally claimed.

It never occurred to him when he joined the Brexit cause that the public would be so stupid as to fall for the chaotic shambles of the "out" campaign with it's contradictions, half truths and downright lies.  It's no coincidence that the supporters of the leave campaign included David Icke, Nigel Farage, the BNP, George Galloway and Donald Trump.

The result of the referendum when it finally came in would have shocked him to the core. He obviously couldn't stand for the leadership of the party now. Whoever took over was going to be on a hiding to nothing while they tried to rescue something from the shambles and pleasing no-one in the process. Who wants to be the 21st century equivalent of Neville Chamberlain?

Here is Boris making a heartfelt plea for Turkey to be allowed to join the EU.

BORIS AND THE NAZIS

Getty Images

Boris Johnson, ex Mayor of London and "Man Who Would Be King", (or Leader of the Tory Party anyway), has compared the European Union with Nazi Germany.

This serious claim needs to be examined fully and the Thamesmead Grump is the man to do it.

So, let's compare the two:-

Fascist totalitarian state controlled by Adolf Hitler.

Believes the Germanic people are the Master Race.

Ruthlessly supresses political opponents who are killed, imprisoned or exiled.

Opresses the Christian Church and imprisons many of its leaders.

Prevents career and educational opportunities for women, believing them to be more suited as mothers and homemakers.

Signed a pact with Russia to invade Poland.

Set up extermination camps to eliminate inferior races such as Jews, Romany people, homosexuals, etc.

        Nazi Germany        European Union

                Yes                            Yes

             
                Yes                            Yes

               
                 Yes                            Yes

               
                 Yes                            Yes


                 Yes                            Yes



                 Yes                             Yes


                  Yes                            Yes

So there you have it, Boris was right. The EU is like the Third Reich in all the ways that matter. 

Can't understand why the BNP wants us to leave though.