The Thamesmead Grump

AFRICAN VISIT LATEST

Prime Minister finds time to "Strut Her Funky Stuff, 

Sho' Nuff" during intense trade negotiations with 

African leaders. "It's not just 

that Boris Johnson 

who can dazzle those flag waving 

Piccaninnies" 

she announced.

UK Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a lucrative new deal with Nigeria after returning from trade talks with African leaders.

Speaking to Parliament she said "I have been in negotiation with senior African politicians and legal experts including Barrister Williamson Robinson, a solicitor from Lagos, Nigeria and we are in the process of settling an arrangement whereby he will transfer 50% of his client's assets to the UK for just a handling fee of £195 payable by Western Union".

"This is 100% risk free and all modalities have been taken care of", she announced.

Describing this as only the first of many deals she has set up. She has also agreed to accept on behalf of Mrs Edwards Doris, widow of Engr Edwards Edwards and who is sadly now dying from long time cancer of the breast, the sum of $26,000,000 (twenty six million USD) which will be used to pay for Churches, motherless babies and the NHS.

"Who needs £350 million pounds from Brexit when we can strike deals like these?" said Mrs May.

SPEAKING OF BORIS

Boris Johnson has just announced the result of his marriage referendum and claims a victory for common sense as his partnership with Marina Wheeler ends on 29th March 2019. Boris claims that the result will be much better for him now he doesn't have to listen to the opinions of a completely un-elected Wife, and that the £350 million a week in savings will be put to better use.

Claims that he had already been in negotiation with another party for a better deal while still officially committed to his first one have been vigorously denied by himself. 

He has announced that he and his ex partner will be continuing to support their four children but hasn't given any details about how he intends to do this although he has rejected all suggestions made so far as unworkable and a betrayal of the people.