The Thamesmead Grump

AND ANOTHER THING......................

Don't start every sentence with the word "so"; it's bloody annoying.

Don't pronounce "g" as a "k"; it's "something", not "somethink".

When you are talking?

Try to be more positive about what you are saying?

Up talk makes you sound like a foreigner?

Or even American?

Which is even worse?

Try to learn the difference between a question and a statement?

Geography not joggraphy. Write this out 50 times.

Hand a trusted friend a large stick and ask them to hit you with it every time you say "ya know" during a sentence.

It's a "chest of drawers" not a "chester draws". I actually saw it written like this once and I laughed so much I nearly went to the lavatory in my trousers.

Don't send me inspirational posts by David Avocado Wolfe because I will be very rude about it.

Likewise, inspirational posts that show someone standing on a rocky outcrop in a teapot pose with the legend that suggests that people would stop dying from wars, famine and natural disasters with positive thinking, crystal healing or by becoming a Vegan.

Likewise, posts telling me I can't fly the English flag because of immergrants; especially when you say it's not aloud. And don't tell me it's been band.

Likewise, Tommy Robinson: just - no, don't.

Don't call me a grammar fascist; it's not my fault you are only semi-literate. 

ROCK ON, PRIME MINISTER

In the novel "Good Omens" by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman there is a piece explaining how Demons dance. It the UK edition of the book, Demons dance like the British group at the Eurovision Song Contest. US readers would not understand this so their edition describes them as dancing like the white group on Soul Train.

After watching this performance, we will only ever imagine Demons dancing like the British Prime Minister.

Jeremy Corbyn, eat your heart out.