Saturday, 1 December 2018


Farting contest controversy.

I know this is a bit of an old story by now but I've been busy with other things and have only just got round to commenting on it.

There was controversy at last week's Grand Slam Farting Competition when both players accused each other of cheating. Dutch player Wesley Harms accused his opponent Gary Anderson of trying to distract him by throwing some darts each time he farted. Gary Anderson however was quick to respond to the accusation by claiming it was the Dutchman who was tossing darts at the board every time he tried to let rip with a particularly knockout parp.

"I know it was him" claimed Harms. "I could see his arms waving about every time I stepped up for a big one. He claims that it was just to get his fart smells properly spread over the oche, but I saw the darts in his hand; he can't deny it".

Anderson won the match 10-2.

This isn't the first time that important competitions have been sabotaged by contestants throwing darts. Who can forget the 1980s beer drinking competition, ruined by gamesmanship.

Every time you say "I don't believe in vaccines" a Reptilian Overlord dies.

Getty Images

World Health Organisation report shows a world-wide resurgence of Measles with 30% more cases in 2017 than 2016 resulting in 110,000 deaths. 

The causes are various, from the collapsing health systems in emerging nations to the promotion of anti-vax scaremongering by the "alternative" health industry.

Sad, that a disease that should have gone the way of Smallpox years ago should still be killing children on an industrial scale because of  profiteering by crackpots and charlatans.

Wednesday, 28 November 2018


The most intelligent man who ever lived
shows his opinion on climate change.
(Picture from Time Magazine)
Sensational disclosure by US President Donald Trump proves climate science conspiracy hoax with startling revelations about the trees in California and how small the oceans are.

Anyone concerned about recent inflammatory reports about global warming by the entire scientific community, can rest assured that there is no need to worry. Thanks to the intervention of US President Donald Trump, the truth about all of this can now be disclosed.

Josh Dawsey of the Washington Post asked the President for his reaction to the latest report and his reply can be read here.

"One of the problems that a lot of people like myself. 

We have very high levels of intelligence, but we're not necessarily such believers. 

You look at our air and our water and it's right now at a record clean. But when you look at China and you look at parts of Asia and when you look at South America, and when you look at many other places in the world, including Russia, including – just many other places – the air is incredibly dirty. 

And when you're talking about an atmosphere. 

Oceans are very small. 

And it blows over and it sails over. 

I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, it flows, and we say where does this come from? 

And it takes many people to start off with.

Number two, if you go back and look at articles, they talked about global freezing, they talked about at some point the planet could have freez [sic] to death, then it's going to die of heat exhaustion. 

There is movement in the atmosphere. 

There's no question. 

As to whether or not it's man-made and whether or not the effects that you are talking about are there, I don't see it – not nearly like it is. 

Do we want clean water? Absolutely. Do we want clean air to breath? Absolutely. 

The fire in California, where I was, if you looked at the floor, the floor of the fire they have trees that were fallen, they did no forest management, no forest maintenance, and you can light – you can take a match like this and light a tree trunk when that thing is laying there for more than 14 or 15 months. 

And it's a massive problem in California."

The reference to the recent forest fires in California follow his imaginary conversation with Finland President Sauli Niinistö who told him that they don't have such fires in Finland because they do a lot of raking.

This isn't the first time we have been treated to the views of President Trump on matters of climate change. My earlier post dated 22nd August 2018 gave a transcription of his speech at a fund raising dinner in New York regarding the wisdom of burning more coal.


Massive turnout of EDL supporters as Tommy
Robinson appointed as adviser to UKIP
Nigel Farage, founder of far-right political party UKIP has expressed his disappointment that a neo-Nazi thug has been taken on by his neo-Nazi party as a special adviser. Stephen Yaxley-Lennon (otherwise known as Tommy Robinson) is now going to be advising UKIP on rape gangs and prison reform.

The latest UKIP leader Gerard Batten (is it my imagination, or do UKIP go through more leaders than the Tories go through Brexit negotiators?) claims that Yaxley-Lennon has "saved the party from oblivion". 

I'm not sure if that should be held against him though. While it's perfectly true that he has a long history of thuggery, drug dealing and, more recently, attempting to get rape case defendants acquitted by sabotaging their trials, I don't think he can honestly be accused of saving this bunch of knuckle-dragging half-wits and their sad excuse of a political party. They are on their way down the toilet as many of their former supporters head back to the BNP, where they came from in the first place.

This story, doing the rounds on Facebook has been around for a few years but it's still worth another outing. Thanks to Mrs Grump for the heads-up.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. 

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

"Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. 
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. 
The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. 
The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. 
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)"

Friday, 23 November 2018

Make America Rake Again

A little while ago, US President Donald Trump was in Paris, hiding in the embassy so he wouldn't get his hair wet. During this stay he also met Sauli Niinistö, President of Finland who told him that the reason that they don't have huge forest fires, currently being experienced in California, is because they do a lot of raking.

Now the fact is that almost all of Finland is covered in forest, this would mean raking around 338 thousand square kilometres which would mean pretty much the entire population would be at it or they would need a bloody big rake. 

In actual fact, this conversation never took place. What we have instead is the President of the United States having imaginary conversations with foreign leaders. I have to wonder who else he is talking to who doesn't exist and what are they discussing?

Perhaps we will never know.


I've decided that I don't like the new series of Doctor Who. It's nothing to do with the fact that they have turned him into a woman; done properly, it would have been an interesting experiment. It's a number of things.

I don't like the scatterbrained, breathless way Jodie Whitaker delivers the part. It might have been all right at the beginning: it takes the Doctor a while to start firing on all cylinders after regenerating, we all know that, and we could imagine it was her way of getting her new personality together. But after eight episodes, she is still behaving as if the lift still hasn't reached the top floor yet and I have to assume that's how she is going to do it.

I also really don't like the fact that it isn't really a science fiction series any more. What we have is a fairly obvious anti-white/male/hetro-sexual/British political propaganda presentation with the odd alien monster tagged on as a sort of afterthought, just so they can keep calling it Doctor Who.

Did I mention the Sonic Screwdriver? Some while back, the Doctor's sonic screwdriver started to be used as more of a weapon than utensil. The David Tennant character was often seen posing with it aimed at the enemy in a way that was reminiscent of Captain Kirk with his phaser. Now it can be best described as a plot hole-filler. The Doctor needs to do/analyse/destroy, etc. anything and instead of thinking up something clever and Doctor Whoish, out comes the screwdriver and, lo and behold, it can suddenly do whatever you need.

I had rather hoped that the first scene in the new series where she loses the dammed thing might have been the last we saw of it, (it would have gone some way to redeeming the new series) but no, we have to have a new one, capable of even more miracles than the last.

Don't think I'll bother with The Christmas episode - oh! I forgot, they're not showing it at Christmas; it's going out on New Year's Day. They must be hoping that we are all going to be too hungover to notice what a dog's dinner it's managed to become.

Sunday, 4 November 2018


Serving Suggestion
We are going to get a new £50 note; made of plastic like the replacement £5 and £10 notes introduced over the last couple of years. 

The Bank of England has decided that the back of this new note is going to feature the portrait of a British scientist. There are a number of suggestions being made and I won't bother to join in the debate here. Any of the names so far put forward deserve a note of their own and whoever is eventually chosen will be unfair to those left out. I don't see why we can't have a montage of several at once, which would give more of them a better chance of being selected.

Not this one
When the announcement of a new note was first made, there were a number of names put forward, including that of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. That idea was soon quashed: a mistake in my view.

At one point, there was a lot of talk about abolishing the £50 note altogether on account of it being the banknote of choice for the criminal fraternity and no-one else in particular. Peter Sands, the former head of Standard Chartered Bank once described it as "the currency of corrupt elites, of crime of all sorts and of tax evasion". As such, I would have thought having a picture of Margaret Thatcher on the back would seem an obvious choice.


Genuine poppy merchandise

It's that time of year again (the annual Poppy Appeal if you weren't sure) and this year (so far anyway) I haven't read any of the usual stories about how the local store/council/public body, etc., etc. has banned the poppy in case it offends Muslims/immigrants/extreme right-wing loonies who wish Hitler had won the war and so on. Must be the first year ever although the campaign still has a week to run so there's still time.

What we do have though is the usual problem of fake poppy merchandise. Manchester Trading Standards have just seized a whole load of the stuff and that probably only hints at the level of the problem.

A few years back, the market was flooded with fake poppy merchandise produced by the far right political organisation, the English Defence League, although they don't seem to have repeated the exercise since.

Please be on the lookout for this stuff and report it if found; it goes without saying, don't buy it. Ideally, go directly to the Poppy Shop or one of the official licensed producers.


Take two three times a day
before meals.
In a huge victory for traditional and folk medicine over the massive corporate power of "big pharma" the Chinese government has decided to allow the use of Rhino horn and Tiger bones in medicines prescribed by doctors and hospitals.

Hopefully, this is going to be just the start and will encourage other governments to take a similar stand. For instance, perhaps we can now persuade the NHS to start funding homoeopathic remedies, psychic healing and the driving out of evil spirits using the power of Jesus which are known to be the principal cause of illness if you bother to do your research.

Speaking of "big pharma", I suppose this means that now that the pharmaceutical industry is going to be producing cannabis based drugs, all the conspiracy theory nuts will claiming it causes cancer and gives children the autisms.


Our local branch of Morrison's is selling eggs produced by a local small market trader and are prominently displayed at the shop entrance. I was selecting a few the other day when I noticed that one of the eggs had a white shell. I haven't seen one of these in a long time and, going by the reaction of some of the people around me, they had never seen one.

When I was a small child, I would go shopping with my Mum to the local grocer's store on the corner of Wickham Lane. The eggs were sold from behind the counter and were usually displayed in a large bowl. Housewives would ask for however many and the assistant would then count them out into a paper bag. And yes, you would be lucky if you got them all home in one piece.

The eggs were, almost without exception, white. In amongst all this whiteness you might see an egg with a brown shell and these were especially favoured as it was believed that if the eggshell was brown, it would mean the egg was somehow more healthy and nutritious.

Egg producers, quick to cotton on to the demand, began to provide what the housewife wanted by changing the breed of egg laying chicken from the White Leghorn which produces a white shell egg to the Plymouth Rock or Rhode Island Red which produces the brown. It is possible to change the colour of the shell by altering the feed balance as well but mainly, it's the breed of hen.

In the United States, the attitude is completely opposite and shoppers there favour (should I spell that "favor") the white shell. Strange, considering both the main brown shell layers are American breeds.

In actual fact, the colour of the shell makes absolutely no difference to the flavour or nutritional quality of the egg which is determined by many other factors.

If this is something that really matters to you, have a look here for more information on the subject.


No 1 - read the
Thamesmead Grump
Over the last couple of months, the stats relating to this page seem to have gone completely wild. In just a couple of days in October, my page was visited by no fewer that 4566 times by viewers in the Ukraine. This is a good deal more than everywhere else in the world put together, even the mysterious "unknown region" which has also started popping up.

I'm sure there is a good reason for this but I have no idea what it is.

Tuesday, 18 September 2018


May contain sugar.
A couple of years ago, I was standing in a queue, waiting to pay for the lunch I had just bought from a shop at some English Heritage site I was visiting with Mrs Grump. The woman in front of me was complaining bitterly about the cartons of fruit juice; she was looking down the list of ingredients on the side of the boxes and was unhappy that they all seemed to contain sugar.

"Of course they contain sugar you idiot, it's fruit juice: where do you think sugar comes from? All living material contains sugar, plant and animal; if it didn't it wouldn't work". I didn't say; I must have been in a good mood that day.

This incident leads me on to the appalling level of scientific illiteracy among the general public. Ignorance makes you vulnerable: vulnerable to those who would exploit that ignorance for their own ends.

One popular area of exploitation is in the so-called "alternative food/medicine/whatever" racket. Purveyors of this nonsense will use the fact that you don't know your acid from your carbohydrate in order  to sell you some product with improbable qualities such as an ability to cure cancer with a fruit berry/cannabis/psychic chocolate, etc. 

On a stall in a local craft market there was someone selling something they call Himalayan Pink Salt which, among other unlikely things can reduce your blood pressure. Yes folks, never mind that the entire medical profession constantly warns about excessive salt in your diet and how this can lead to high blood pressure among other things; Himalayan Salt is "magic" so this rule doesn't apply.

Organic food producers warn constantly about "chemicals" that are used in conventional farming despite them having been proved safe to eat, without mentioning the chemicals they use, many of which are highly toxic indeed. Copper Sulphate is one example.

Another group of people who like to exploit public ignorance do so for entirely different reasons and you will often see articles on the internet which offer dire warnings about things which are, in most cases are completely harmless but can be made to seem otherwise. 

Probably the most widely distributed and well known of these is the Dihydrogen Monoxide hoax. Its creators have been campaigning for many years to get the substance banned in food production, citing just how dangerous it is. They even have their own website DHMO.ORG where they warn that 

"Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol."

They go on to warn that 

"Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:
  • Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
  • Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
  • Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
  • DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
  • Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
  • Contributes to soil erosion.
  • Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
  • Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
  • Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
  • Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
  • Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
  • Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
  • Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect."

Any child having a first world education and who is aged over ten years should know that Dihydrogen Monoxide, or H2O as it's usually called is nothing more than water. Having said that, all the claims made about the dangers of the stuff are absolutely true and without any form of critical examination of the claims made can result in the public fear of something we cannot live without.

This particular hoax doesn't actually have any malicious intent but is intended to show how easy it is to fool people and can therefor be considered more as an educational tool. In 1997, a 14 year old American science student Nathan Zohner, handed out a convincing paper arguing for the banning of DHMO which was supported by most of his fellow students. You can read more about this story here

Since its inception, it has grown into a major industry with its own web site. It has even managed to spawn a counter movement called the "Friends of Hydrogen Hydroxide". The claims made on this site are not to be trusted however as they obviously have financial connections with the DHMO industry.

Elsewhere, in a Hysterical article in the Daily Express (where else) they manage to take time off from warning us about migrants to tell us of a hidden danger hidden in our apples.

The headline warns of a "shocking video" which reveals the truth about wax which is coating our apples and asks just how dangerous is it.

If anyone actually reads beyond the headline and the video, they will see that the wax is produced by the apple itself and is actually beneficial as it prevents bacterial infection. Some producers supplement this wax with an extra coating to protect it in storage but this is made from natural sources and is harmless. Wax, you will learn if you enquire further, cannot be processed by the human digestive system so passes straight through. Whether that makes your (now wax coated) turds easier to pass, I haven't managed to learn.

I don't know if the waxy apple hoax is supposed to be educational or a straightforward bit of malicious scare mongering by a tabloid rag to sell more copies, I also haven't managed to learn.

If you really do want to learn more about fruit and wax then click on this link to an excellent article here.

This is a link to the Express scare story as well if you want to read it for yourself.