Monday, 4 December 2017


Saving Britain again

Marek Zakrocki
"Britain First" hero

Mr Zakrocki, who is actually a Polish immigrant, has been a long-time admirer of British values and at no time did he show how much he has been influenced by them than on the afternoon of  the 23rd of June when, after getting drunk and beating up his Wife, stole his company van and drove it around the area, shouting and swearing at passers by.

His moment of glory came when he was approached by Mr Kamal Ahmed, the Spicy Night Curry Restaurant owner who politely asked him not to park outside the restaurant. Recognising this as merely a prelude to an attack, possibly a suicide bombing, he made his heroic decision to defend the people of Great Britain by disabling the mad Muslim who was obviously intent on mass murder.

Without a thought for his own safety and armed only with a knife, a baton torch and the company van, launched a desperate attack on the Islamic terrorist before he could carry out his fiendish plot, thereby preventing what could have been another atrocity on the streets of London.

Other charges relating to the possession of a knife and of grievous bodily harm were not proceeded with after it was disclosed that his intended victim was only a wog. It was also made clear by defending council Jonathan Lennon that when his client announced that he was "going to kill a Muslim", he only meant it in general terms and in no way was it intended to refer to Mr Ahmed.

Mr Zakrocki will almost certainly only receive a token sentence once US President Donald Trump intervenes on his behalf.

While we are talking about "Britain First"..................

Leader (or possibly deputy leader, I'm not quite sure) Jayda Fransen told a packed hall of supporters at their Annual General Meeting about how she now has a "special relationship" with the US President after he tweeted support for her series of racist videos posted on the party's website.

All of the 70 or so delegates attending cheered wildly as they were told that president Trump's tweet was also endorsed by Nigel Farage who didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with publicising neo-Nazi filth.

After a short interlude when it had to be explained to some of the delegates who Donald Trump was, the meeting was able to get underway again.

Wednesday, 29 November 2017


Britain First finally gets the recognition it deserves from none other than the President of the United States.

Grab 'em by the pussy
Pussy Grabber in Chief, US President Donald Trump has declared his support for neo-Nazi group Britain First by re-tweeting a fake picture, supposedly showing a Muslim migrant attacking a man on crutches, posted by Jayda Fransen who is the group's deputy leader.

Britain First, an organisation made up of an assortment of Nazi trolls, hoax charity collectors and convicted paedophiles and which has links with far right organisations in Europe and banned paramilitary groups in Northern Ireland will be delighted with the latest endorsement of their hate campaign from none other than the US President.

Some very fine people
With his history of supporting Nazi groups in the US, he will be no stranger to the philosophy of Britain First who, compared to some of the people he has been describing as having "some very fine people" in its ranks, must seem quite moderate. 

Ms Fransen is due in court in Belfast on the 14th of December to face charges relating to a so-called "Northern Ireland Against Terrorism" rally earlier in the year.

As you can tell, Britain First are not very good at irony.

Just so you are clear about the activities of Britain First, I will show the video (no apology for repeating it) of the group's leader Paul Golding trying to con people out of their money on a fake charity stall. He was originally claiming that he was raising money for injured servicemen but eventually admitted that the money was going into his own pocket. You will also be interested to know that they are still using images of murdered soldier Lee Rigby in their publicity material despite being asked not to by his family.

Wednesday, 8 November 2017


Some football clubs dream of winning the Cup or finishing the season as league champions; even enjoying success in Europe. West Ham on the other hand want only to be able to play Accrington Stanley on a regular basis and to do that, down is the only way to go.

To this effect, they have sacked the most successful manager they have ever had and replaced him with a man they are sure can do the job. 

Step forward David Moyes.

As the manager who got Sunderland out of the Premiership and into the Championship in just one season and who even almost managed to get the mighty Manchester United relegated, he is the obvious choice.

I shall look forward to his career with interest.

Are you ready 

for the new 

world of 

social media?

Take this simple test to find out

Would you spend nearly £1000 on a new mobile phone then keep dropping it onto a hard surface till it breaks?
(A) Yes
(B) No

If you have misplaced your cat, do you post a blurry, extreme close up picture of it's left nostril in the hope that someone will recognise it?
(A) Yes
(B) No

Ten likes = one prayer for the sick child.
(A) Of course
(B) No

Your friend posts a cryptic comment which alludes to some crisis in their personal life in a desperate attempt to garner sympathy, do you reply with?
(A) What's up hun?
(B) Fuck off

Are you even mildly amused by friends' posts featuring the puerile antics of their loathsome offspring?
(A) Yes
(B) No

When you want directions to get somewhere by public transport, do you just ask on Facebook and assume someone else is going to look it up for you on the TFL website?
(A) Yes
(B) No

As above, but this time you want to know when Morrison's closes on a Sunday.
(A) Yes
(B) No

You receive a post which shows a picture of a woman standing in front of a fireplace with her right arm badly Photoshopped out. With the photograph is a story about how the poor woman's Husband is embarrassed to be seen out with her because of her disability. Is this?
(A) A cry from the woman who is being cruelly treated by her beastly Husband
(B) A picture of a woman with her arm badly Photoshopped out

Do you imagine for one moment that anyone is remotely interested in what is on your dinner plate right now?
(A) Yes
(B) No

When you receive another inspirational post from David Avocado Wolfe, do you?
(A) Share it with all your friends because he is such a wonderful man
(B) Wish he would hurry up and die.

Are you looking forward to the next opportunity to win a brand new iPhone by liking and sharing a post which says they have to be given away because the box has been opened?
(A) Absolutely
(B) Jesus H Christ on a bicycle, not another one.

It's really important to type “amen” when you receive a post asking how grateful you are to God for not being eaten by an Alligator today.
(A) Yes
(B) No

If you don't share this post with at least ten friends, you will have five year's bad luck
(A) Yes
(B) No

Each “A” is worth 5 points
Each “B” is worth 0 points.

55 to 65 points - Well done, you are clearly prepared for life in the virtual world. You are sensible and sympathetic towards others.

10 to 55 points - You really need to try harder if you want to be popular with all your Facebook friends.

0 to 10 points - Oh dear! You are a cynical and insensitive individual who will probably come to a bad end. Better get on with sharing this post ASAP before your luck runs out.

Thursday, 2 November 2017


The Thamesmead Grump now has a Facebook page which means that you will be able to see even more of me.

Once you have gotten over your initial excitement, just click on the link to be taken to the new page straight away.

Don't forget to like and follow it to keep up to date with my most witty comments and ideas.

The Thamesmead Grump Facebook Page

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Sick Baby Scam

Kati Ringer, internet troll.
Stole a picture of a sick baby to fund
a fake "Go Fund Me" appeal
then threatened to "find and Rape"
her when the Mother complained.

In 2015, she was sentenced to three years in prison after sending doctored pictures of babies with abusive comments to their parents.

This time she was stealing photographs of sick children from other people's Instagram accounts and using them to try and pass them off as her own in order to solicit payments to a "Go Fund Me" account. It was when the mother of one of the children whose photograph she had stolen challenged her that she became threatening and abusive.

These sort of scams appear with depressing regularity on social media sites like Facebook with claims that Google or Amazon or whoever will donate money in exchange for "liking" or "sharing" the post. No matter how many times it's been made clear that all these types of post are some sort of scam, people still get fooled by them.

The next time you are invited to believe that ten likes = one prayer, or that typing "amen" will somehow make the child better: that liking the picture of the woman with a limb or two photoshopped out "because her partner thinks she is too embarrassing to be seen in public": that the RV showroom is going to give away 10 of their vehicles for free: that Apple have to give away 100 iPhones because they have been opened, then please think again; you are contributing to a particularly nasty criminal activity. You can read more about this sort of scam by clicking the link here.

One would expect that any man who contacted a woman and threatened to rape her baby would be looking at a pretty long prison sentence, especially after being jailed for similar activity previously. Kati Ringer, well, she was given a 30 week suspended sentence and ordered to pay £225 costs.

Creepy Crawly casserole anyone?

I was going to illustrate this item with a
picture of a plate full of grubs, but they were
all so stomach-churningly disgusting I decided
to use this picture of some proper food.

According to this BBC article, (one of several they have published over the years), we may be able to "save the planet" by eating insects. They don't say what we are supposed to be saving the planet from but apparently the idea is that we replace eating meat for insects. Animal farming, we are told, produces large amounts of methane gas which contributes to global warming: so it's not the planet we would be saving, rather our dominant position on it.

The article goes on to tell us that eating insects is quite common in some parts of the world already, so it seems to me that all we have to do is to tell the people already eating them to eat more and let the rest of us stick to our regular Sunday roast, thank you very much.