The Thamesmead Grump 

and the "Mystery Virus"

It began on Friday afternoon. I started to feel unwell. You know the sort of thing, it's where you start to ache, you don't know what it is but you know there's something wrong. By Saturday morning, I felt like I had done a long training session down the gym after about a year's absence. Mrs Grump had been nagging me all day to go to A&E but the last thing you want to do when you are feeling ill is visit a hospital. By Saturday evening and with my temperature nudging 40°, I finally relented and let her drive me to Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Woolwich.

A&E on a Saturday evening (aargh!). Expecting to find the place full of the usual drunks and od'd skagheads, I was pleasantly surprised to find it was not all that busy at all. I was quickly seen by the triage nurse who took very good care of me. It probably helped that I was alternatively fainting and throwing up so was not there just to get out of the cold.

She, and by this time, at least one other Doctor were fussing over me and convincing me that, if I was to die in the next few minutes, at least I would have plenty of company.

I was whisked off to an emergency ward where I was scanned, prodded and poked, then plugged into all the usual bleeping devices designed to make the patient feel as though someone is in charge and had enough blood and other fluids removed to stock a well attended vampire party.

Told that they were going to monitor me all night, my poor exhausted Wife went home for a few hours rest after being reassured that I wasn't about to expire any time soon. 

By around three o'clock on Sunday morning and with my temperature down to normal, they decided this was a good time to send me home. I really didn't want to wake my Wife up to come and collect me and with no money for a cab, the Hospital kindly arranged transport home. They even provided a snack - a chicken sandwich, piece of cake, an orange and a fruit drink. I wasn't well enough to eat it but it was a nice gesture.

Three hours later and with my temperature back up to nudging 40° again, I was back at the Hospital. This time they did all the same tests again just to make sure and as before, could not find any cause for my illness. Finally diagnosing me with a "mystery virus" they sent me home again.

It's Monday morning and I can't move. It's like my body belongs to someone else and I don't have the strength to lift a pen. This time I am poured into the car and ferried to the Doctor's surgery. A very nice Doctor who I haven't ever seen before did a thorough examination and wanted more blood from me (don't they always), but with no obvious cause for my condition what can she do? She agrees with the "mystery virus" diagnosis and sends me home.

Anyway, you will be pleased to know that since then I have been slowly recovering and am now nearly back to my usual bouncy (and grumpy) self. It still takes me some effort to get enough energy to do anything and this is the reason I have not been entertaining you with my usual regular helping of witty and interesting posts.

It's also a shame as I missed all the excitement of that referendum; I would have had a few things to say on that subject let me tell you. I will try to catch up.

What I would like to say is that the care I received at the weekend at the Hospital and subsequently at the local health centre couldn't have been better. If that smarmy, two faced Tory prat, Jeremy Hunt wants to talk about Doctors working at weekends, I would be happy to tell him a thing or two.

I would also like to say that most of the Doctors, Nurses and other carers at the Hospital and the health centre who took such good care of me were clearly not of British origin. I hate to think what our NHS would look like if all the semi-literate OUT OUT OUT morons got their own way and sent all the immigrants home.

In the mean time, I can tell you that I will be back soon with a selection of items to think about.

This will include:-

That referendum
Corruption in high places

Why walking round Thamesmead is like a jungle safari and....................

What is the connection between this picture and the decline and fall of the Roman Empire?

The Thamesmead Grump 

Guide to the EU Referendum

For the last couple of weeks, I have been preparing my own guide on the EU referendum. Should we remain or should we leave.

As the debate has gone on I have become more and more disenchanted with the whole thing. I have found the ever more hysterical claims and counter claims made by the opposing sides leaving a sour taste in my mouth. This is more than just the usual political rhetoric you would expect to get in any election campaign, it has turned into something altogether much more nasty and frankly, not very British.

This leads me to start to consider whether, in this case, those who are not going to vote either way are actually making as important a statement as those who do. I'm not talking about those people who just never bother to engage in any political debate or to vote in elections. What I am talking about is a an increasing number of people who have made the decision not to vote as an expression of  how they feel about the whole charade.

While the various polls and the media are focusing on who will vote in or out, they are paying little attention to those who are intending not to vote. There is nothing unusual about this. In the past, those non voters had no relevance in deciding the outcome so were just dismissed. I think that they are going to have to change that view if after all the votes have been counted, there is an overwhelming majority for the "didn't vote" camp, especially if it becomes clear that the reason for a low turnout wasn't apathy but disgust.

What that means is that, although I was originally intending to vote to remain, I am now seriously considering, for the first time ever, tearing up my polling card and sticking two fingers up the lot of them. I suppose I could always go down to the polling station and write something rude on my voting slip. I haven't decided yet.

As far as the actual debate is concerned, if we can even describe the kind of hysterical garbage coming out of both camps as debate at all, those who want us to remain in are the establishment who personally benefit from continued membership while ignoring the issues that concern ordinary people the most. The out brigade seem to be an unholy alliance of mega rich corporations owned by people like Rupert Murdoch who are looking at prospective EU legislation making it more difficult for them to avoid paying their taxes with increasing alarm and the semi-literate half-wits who keep posting bigoted ill-informed rants about immigration and refugees on my Facebook page.

It is said that you can tell when a politician is lying because you can see their lips move. Well, I can see all your lips moving.

Anyway, so as not to waste all the effort I have put into this post already, I will present you with some stuff you might want to consider if you are deciding to vote.

Here is a list of political parties currently registered in the UK and Northern Ireland that have an official position on the EU that I have been able to find, and divided into those supporting a pro EU vote and those supporting an anti EU vote. 

This is not a complete list of all UK political parties, there are currently 392 of them. You can find the list here. Many of them are single issue parties and have a purely local agenda. Some are pursuing an issue not related to the European Union and some - who knows? I don't yet have an official position from the Al-Zebabist Nation of Ooog, (I hope that's the right number of o's), but I might have come referendum day. Their Facebook page header features the logos of a number of anti-EU parties but personally, I think the whole thing is a Poe so I won't include them on the "no" side just yet.

If anyone from a political party not listed below and who feels they would like to be included, they can contact me and I will amend the list.

The Thamesmead Grump recognises the fact that there is some dissent within the major parties so I will list them according to their official position.

UK and Northern Ireland political parties with elected representation who officially support the UK remaining as a member of the European Union.

Labour Party

Liberal Democrats

Scottish National Party

Sein Fein

Plaid Cymru

SDLP

Ulster Unionist Party

Green Party

Alliance Party of Northern Ireland.

Green Party in Northern Ireland

The official position of the Conservative Party is one of neutrality during the campaign.

UK and Northern Ireland political parties with elected representation who officially oppose the UK remaining as a member of the European Union

Democratic Unionist Party

UK Independence Party

Below is a selection of other minor political parties who officially oppose the UK remaining in the European Union. I can't go through them all; parties on both the extreme right and left tend to split and go off in different directions in a manner not unlike something out of Monty Python's Life of Brian. They are all, as far as I can see, opposed to Britain's membership of the EU.

Respect Party

British National Party

National Front

Britain First

Monster Raving Loony Party

On the far left there are a whole raft of political parties, most with very similar sounding names and popping up then disappearing with some regularity. There is, for example a Communist Party of Britain, Communist Party of Britain (Marxist-Leninist), Communist Party of Great Britain (Marxist-Leninist), Revolutionary Communist party of Britain (Marxist-Leninist), etc., etc., etc.

It's almost impossible to tell where any of them stand with regard to EU membership. Historically, most British far left parties were heavily influenced by the politics of the old Soviet Union which was opposed to the existence of the Common Market, as it was called back then, and so opposed to British membership. It's very likely that this position has not changed much.

BORIS AND THE NAZIS

Getty Images

Boris Johnson, ex Mayor of London and "Man Who Would Be King", (or Leader of the Tory Party anyway), has compared the European Union with Nazi Germany.

This serious claim needs to be examined fully and the Thamesmead Grump is the man to do it.

So, let's compare the two:-

Fascist totalitarian state controlled by Adolf Hitler.

Believes the Germanic people are the Master Race.

Ruthlessly supresses political opponents who are killed, imprisoned or exiled.

Opresses the Christian Church and imprisons many of its leaders.

Prevents career and educational opportunities for women, believing them to be more suited as mothers and homemakers.

Signed a pact with Russia to invade Poland.

Set up extermination camps to eliminate inferior races such as Jews, Romany people, homosexuals, etc.

        Nazi Germany        European Union

                Yes                            Yes

             
                Yes                            Yes

               
                 Yes                            Yes

               
                 Yes                            Yes


                 Yes                            Yes



                 Yes                             Yes


                  Yes                            Yes

So there you have it, Boris was right. The EU is like the Third Reich in all the ways that matter. 

Can't understand why the BNP wants us to leave though.

THE EUROVISION SONG WAR

The 2006 winners representing the planet Zzxlgnuut.

Last night saw the 61st (I think) episode of the international freak show known as the Eurovision Song Contest in which viewers (I'm assuming the rest of this because I didn't watch it, I'm just going by what I read afterwards) were treated to the usual outpouring of xenophobic nationalism which has, in the past, included bearded transvestites; Lordi, who played for Finland but who actually came from another planet, and a whole host of songs whose titles were made up from the most imaginative permutations of the words boom, bong, bang and bing.

Conchita, winning in 2014

Last night's event was won by someone called Jamala for the Ukraine with a masterful rendition of an account of the forced deportation of ethnic Tatars from Crimea by Stalin in 1944. Rock on.

In second place were Australia, who some of you may know isn't actually in Europe but is a large continent in the Southern hemisphere.

As usual, there was the (now traditional) booing of the Russian entry on the grounds of (insert reason here). 

Woof Woof!

I read somewhere that Ivan, who is performing for Belarus wanted to perform naked and surrounded by wolves, which gives a whole new meaning to the term "barking mad". In the event, he only started the act 'au naturel' as it were. He was rather more conventionally attired for the rest of his performance. You can see it here if you are so inclined.

The UKs entry from Joe and Jake, whoever they are, came a creditable 24th.

This year the European Broadcasting Union decided to broadcast the whole thing live to the United States, presumably as a warning about Donald Trump. 

Elect him and we'll do it again.

THE THAMESMEAD GRUMP.

AN APOLOGY

In my review of candidates for the Mayor of London election last Sunday, I neglected to mention two of the them. I didn't make any mention of Ankit Love (One Love Party) or Prince Zylinski (Independent).

This was an inexcusable oversight on my part and was caused by the omission of any manifesto published by either of them in the "Guide to the Candidates" pamphlet sent to me by the Returning Officer.

Ankit Love, self proclaimed Emperor of Jammu and Kashmir, he has called on British military personnel to remove David Cameron and replace him with himself as the senior Minister of the Crown in order to enforce legislation to ban pollution. He also wants to reunite India and Pakistan, (not particularly a London issue) and legalise cannabis.

Prince John Zylinski (The Guardian)

Prince John Zylinski, who was intending to give the Polish community in London a voice. He also planned to challenge Nigel Farage to a sword fight in Hyde park, a challenge Nigel sensibly declined. This guy has form; his Father once dispatched a squadron of invading Nazi soldiers with his sword while serving in the Polish army in 1939.

As Ankit Love only polled 4941 votes and Prince Zylinski 13,202, I feel part way responsible for their poor result. I can only promise that I will make it up to them next time. (I really hope both of them stand again).

Meanwhile,

back in the real world.

I can't think of any other city in the world where the people can so easily spot a "wrong'un". Running up to the election itself, we were bombarded with racist propaganda aimed at Sadiq Khan; not only from the usual suspects, UKIP, BNP, etc., but also from the Tory party.

To be fair, I don't think Zak Goldsmith's heart was really in the racist campaign, I rather suspect he might actually be a decent bloke, but one thing that Londoners really don't like is having an outsider trying to come between them.

Sadiq Khan may be the Son of a Pakistani immigrant, he may be a Muslim, but at the bottom of it, he's a Londoner and that counts for something to other Londoners. The Tories using race as an election strategy is nothing new of course. Those of us with long political memories will recall the general election of 1964 where, in the West Midlands constituency of Smethwick, the local branch of the Tory party successfully managed to buck the national swing to Labour and unseat the sitting Labour MP Patrick Gordon Walker using the slogan "if you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Labour".

Officially, Tory head office denied that it was anything to do with them but they were certainly aware that it was being used by activists in the campaign and did nothing to stop it.

London is not the West Midlands however and the campaign here backfired spectacularly.

What better way of sticking two fingers (the traditional London salute) up at the extremists on all sides than to elect a Muslim Mayor. It won't stop the extremists bleating on still of course. Islamic extremists will still be claiming the Sadiq Khan isn't a proper Muslim because he doesn't think that women who disobey their Husbands should be stoned to death, and the master race will still be claiming that now he is Mayor, he is going to introduce Sharia law on London buses.

You all now know what London really thinks of you.


NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

The BBC has started a discussion about whether we should get rid of the penny coin. I did an article some time ago which included a comment about the decreasing spending power of small denomination coins, in this case, the pre-decimal Farthing.

Farthings were still in circulation when I was a small child but you could never spend them because shopkeepers couldn't be bothered with them. When the Farthing was abolished in 1960 it would be worth just over 5p in today's money.

That being the case, you would think that most people would be glad to see the back of them, the 2p piece as well. There is even a good argument for getting rid of the 5p when you consider it is now worth less than the unloved Farthing. I suspect that most of the resistance comes from those retailers who are incapable of setting any price for any of their products that doesn't end in 99p. A quick trawl through the Argos catalogue shows that they have almost nothing where the price doesn't end in 99p, or at least something ending with a 9, even really expensive items. One TV set costs £1849.99p.

They are not the only retailers doing this and by abolishing the 1p piece, they would no longer be able to claim that £1849.99p is much less than £1850.

THE THAMESMEAD GRUMP QUIZ.

I had hoped that my quiz would give readers an opportunity to test their brain skills but as I haven't had a single response from either of them, I don't think I will bother any more.


THE VIKING SEA.

In case you missed it, here is the Viking Sea on it's way down the river after it's naming ceremony at Greenwich.