The Thamesmead Grump

OOARRYER, OOARRYER.

Some football clubs dream of winning the Cup or finishing the season as league champions; even enjoying success in Europe. West Ham on the other hand want only to be able to play Accrington Stanley on a regular basis and to do that, down is the only way to go.

To this effect, they have sacked the most successful manager they have ever had and replaced him with a man they are sure can do the job. 

Step forward David Moyes.

As the manager who got Sunderland out of the Premiership and into the Championship in just one season and who even almost managed to get the mighty Manchester United relegated, he is the obvious choice.

I shall look forward to his career with interest.

Are you ready 

for the new 

world of 

social media?

Take this simple test to find out

Would you spend nearly £1000 on a new mobile phone then keep dropping it onto a hard surface till it breaks?
(A) Yes
(B) No

If you have misplaced your cat, do you post a blurry, extreme close up picture of its left nostril in the hope that someone will recognise it?
(A) Yes
(B) No

Ten likes = one prayer for the sick child.
(A) Of course
(B) No

Your friend posts a cryptic comment which alludes to some crisis in their personal life in a desperate attempt to garner sympathy, do you reply with?
(A) What's up hun?
(B) Fuck off

Are you even mildly amused by friends' posts featuring the puerile antics of their loathsome offspring?
(A) Yes
(B) No

When you want directions to get somewhere by public transport, do you just ask on Facebook and assume someone else is going to look it up for you on the TFL website?
(A) Yes
(B) No

As above, but this time you want to know when Morrison's closes on a Sunday.
(A) Yes
(B) No

You receive a post which shows a picture of a woman standing in front of a fireplace with her right arm badly Photoshopped out. With the photograph is a story about how the poor woman's Husband is embarrassed to be seen out with her because of her disability. Is this?
(A) A cry from the woman who is being cruelly treated by her beastly Husband
(B) A picture of a woman with her arm badly Photoshopped out

Do you imagine for one moment that anyone is remotely interested in what is on your dinner plate right now?
(A) Yes
(B) No

When you receive another inspirational post from David Avocado Wolfe, do you?
(A) Share it with all your friends because he is such a wonderful man
(B) Wish he would hurry up and die.

Are you looking forward to the next opportunity to win a brand new iPhone by liking and sharing a post which says they have to be given away because the box has been opened?
(A) Absolutely
(B) Jesus H Christ on a bicycle, not another one.

It's really important to type “amen” when you receive a post asking how grateful you are to God for not being eaten by an Alligator today.
(A) Yes
(B) No

If you don't share this post with at least ten friends, you will have five year's bad luck
(A) Yes
(B) No

Each “A” is worth 5 points

Each “B” is worth 0 points.

55 to 65 points - Well done, you are clearly prepared for life in the virtual world. You are sensible and sympathetic towards others.

10 to 55 points - You really need to try harder if you want to be popular with all your Facebook friends.

0 to 10 points - Oh dear! You are a cynical and insensitive individual who will probably come to a bad end. Better get on with sharing this post ASAP before your luck runs out.