The Thamesmead Grump

SOCK IT TO ME

I have a problem and need advice from any of my readers who are of a religious persuasion.

While shopping in Sainsbury's I decided I would buy some new socks, some of my old ones were frankly getting a bit worse for wear so I thought I would treat myself to an early Christmas present.

You wouldn't think that should be a problem but when I got them home, I discovered to my dismay that they are made of a mixture of materials, in this case, 85% cotton, 13% polyamide and 2% elastane.

So what's my problem? It's like this. According to the King James Authorised Bible, Leviticus 19:19

"Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee"

No problem there, my socks contain neither linen or wool. The problem arises from the fact that the King James version of the Bible isn't the only one. According to the New Revised Standard version, Leviticus 19:19 reads like this:-

"You shall keep my statutes. You shall not let your animals breed with a different  kind; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed; nor shall you put on a garment made of two different materials."

You can see where I'm going with this. If the second version is the correct one it would mean I am breaking God's statute by wearing my new socks. I would take them back but I've already ripped them out of their packaging so Sainsbury's won't refund my money. I don't want to just throw them away but then again, some of the punishments being meted out to anyone disobeying - well, let's just say that whoever wrote the Book of Leviticus wasn't fully up to speed on the Human Rights Act.

This brings me to my question. Can I claim (as many religious fundamentalists do) that the King James Bible is the only correct one? If so, I should be in the clear as Leviticus makes no mention of polyamide or elastane. 

None of this would have been a problem if there had been a warning on the packaging about the potential conflict. Something along the lines of "Warning - wearing these socks may result in eternal damnation" would have at least given me some forewarning of the potential for incurring the wrath of God.

I suppose I'm just going to have to take my chances and hope for the best. This may be my last ever post.

THE SINGING SEAL