The Thamesmead Grump

DUMB AND DUMBER

What can I say. I must have made my quiz far too difficult because even though it has been viewed almost a thousand times, no-one has been able to answer a single question. (Not even Ron Bevan).

So, to make things a little easier this time, I will set another test with less challenging questions. First though, the answers to last week's quiz.

Question 1.
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is married to which of the following?
(a) Vlad the Impaler
(b) Winnie the Pooh
(c) His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.
Answer - (d) Gzognerk, Reptilian Master of Alpha Draconis.

Question 2.
Which of the following statements is correct?
(a) The world will end on 23 October 1997 (James Ussher, 17th century Archbishop)
(b) The world will end on 6 September 1994, 29 September 1994, 2 October 1994, 31 March 1995, 21 May 2011. (Harold Camping, American Christian Evangelist).
(c) The world will end on an unknown date in 2060. (Sir Isaac Newton).
Answer - (d) 1284 (Pope Innocent III predicted that the world would end 666 years after the rise of Islam).

Question 3.
The World Health Organisation wants every child to be vaccinated against Polio because?
(a) They want to eradicate Polio.
(b) They are part of a global plot involving every single doctor, nurse and health care worker in the world to make all our children autistic.
(c) They are controlled by the Reptilian Overlords who use secret mind control devices in vaccines to control the population.
Answer - (c) See the answer to question 1.


Question 4.
What am I thinking right now? (Be careful with this one, it's tricky).
Answer - (b).

Question 5.
Leaving the EU will?
(a) Be a disaster for Britain.
(b) Be good for Britain.
(c) Make no bloody difference in the long run.
Answer - Yes.

Question 6.
Remaining in the EU will?
(a) Be a disaster for Britain.
(b) Be good for Britain.
(c) Make no bloody difference in the long run.
Answer - No.

Question 7.

The above equation represents:-

(a) The Gaussian Integral.

(b) Euler's Identity.

(c) The Cardinality of the Continuum.

Answer - All hail the Reptilian Overlords.

Question 8.

How many beans make 5?

Answer - Everyone knows the answer to this, not worth writing down.

Question 9.

What are you most likely to hear "Flight of the Bumblebee" played on?

(a) A Trumpet.

(b) An Alpine Horn.

(c) A CD Player.

Answer - (d) The Isle of Wight.

Question 10.

Which of the following statements is correct?

(a) Chocolate is an Octave of the Sun. (David Avocado Wolfe)

(b) Cats are a fortnight of Cheese. (The Thamesmead Grump)

(c) Bacon is the Floor Space of Purple. (Anonymous)

Answer - They are all correct.

Question 11.

Mount Everest can be found in which of the following places?
(a) Mars.
(b) The Himalayas.
(c) Harrods.
Answer - Directly beneath the flight path of an aircraft flying from Johannesburg to Heathrow.

Question 12.
Which of the following animals has a beak?
(a) An Antelope.
(b) A Polar Bear.
(c) An Oyster.
Answer - The Reptilian Overlords.


Now, as promised the:-

Thamesmead Grump 

Pathetically Easy 

Quiz

Question 1.

1+1 = ?

Question 2.

If I am standing in the French Capital, Paris, which country am I in?

Question 3.

What are the answers to last weeks quiz? No looking.

Question 4.

Correct punctuation is the difference between "knowing your shit" and "knowing you're shit".

Yes or no? Double points if you don't understand the question.

Question 5.

What is wrong with this statement?

Question 6.

What do elephants have in common with horseradish?

Question 7.

Please feel free to ask yourself anything you like but no looking up the answer on Google.

Question 8.

Which part of the Hipparcos Anomaly don't you understand?

Question 9.

It is sometimes said that there are an infinite number of universes where everything that can possibly happen (however unlikely) is happening. That being the case can someone please tell me where I can find the universe where Kylie Minogue has got her legs wrapped round my neck right now.

Question 10.

How many questions are there in this quiz?

Question 11.

How long would it take to get from Pratt's Bottom to Shitlingthorpe travelling on horseback?

Question 12.

What's it all about? I mean, really, what's the bloody point?

Answers will be posted next Sunday.