Sunday, 24 April 2016


My Facebook timeline has been bombarded over the last few days with invitations to take part in online quizzes. Most of these have been sent to me via one of my friends who wishes to remain anonymous, so I will protect his identity by calling him Ron Bevan.

Ron, it seems is an addict of these things and thinks we should all share in his passion. They usually start with the claim that they are "impossible" and that most people will only get 2-3 right. Once you have been suckered in and click the link to the quiz, you will be presented with a set of questions that could reasonably be answered by a 7 year old with learning difficulties. 

It's true that, just occasionally, you will get something that will throw you but this will most likely be a question about some obscure American sport (most of these quizzes are American in origin) or something so esoteric that even God doesn't know the answer.

So, in order to keep up with this new internet trend, here is the

Thamesmead Grump 

Fiendishly Difficult 


Don't feel ashamed if you can only answer a couple of the questions as I have made it as hard as possible to complete.

Question 1.
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is married to which of the following?
(a) Vlad the Impaler
(b) Winnie the Pooh
(c) His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.

Question 2.
Which of the following statements is correct?
(a) The world will end on 23 October 1997 (James Ussher, 17th century Archbishop)
(b) The world will end on 6 September 1994, 29 September 1994, 2 October 1994, 31 March 1995, 21 May 2011. (Harold Camping, American Christian Evangelist).
(c) The world will end on an unknown date in 2060. (Sir Isaac Newton).

Question 3.
The World Health Organisation wants every child to be vaccinated against Polio because?
(a) They want to eradicate Polio.
(b) They are part of a global plot involving every single doctor, nurse and health care worker in the world to make all our children autistic.
(c) They are controlled by the Reptilian Overlords who use secret mind control devices in vaccines to control the population.

Question 4.
What am I thinking right now? (Be careful with this one, it's tricky).

Question 5.
Leaving the EU will?
(a) Be a disaster for Britain.
(b) Be good for Britain.
(c) Make no bloody difference in the long run.

Question 6.
Remaining in the EU will?
(a) Be a disaster for Britain.
(b) Be good for Britain.
(c) Make no bloody difference in the long run.

Question 7.
The above equation represents:-
(a) The Gaussian Integral.
(b) Euler's Identity.
(c) The Cardinality of the Continuum.

Question 8.
How many beans make 5?

Question 9.
What are you most likely to hear "Flight of the Bumblebee" played on?
(a) A Trumpet.
(b) An Alpine Horn.
(c) A CD Player.

Question 10.
Which of the following statements is correct?
(a) Chocolate is an Octave of the Sun. (David Avocado Wolfe)
(b) Cats are a fortnight of Cheese. (The Thamesmead Grump)
(c) Bacon is the Floor Space of Purple. (Anonymous)

Question 11.
Mount Everest can be found in which of the following places?
(a) Mars.
(b) The Himalayas.
(c) Harrods.

Question 12.
Which of the following animals has a beak?
(a) An Antelope.
(b) A Polar Bear.
(c) An Oyster.

You can take as long as you like to complete the test but no cheating and looking up the answers on Google because I will know.

Send your answers via the contact link. The winner will revealed next Sunday 1st May 2016.